I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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