It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
