my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
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