Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
