I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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