I swear she didn't look like that last week.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
