woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
