I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
