Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
