Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Randomize
