i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize