i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
