She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Randomize
