Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
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