I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
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