THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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