I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
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