I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Randomize
