babies were throwing up all over the place
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
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