Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
Randomize
