I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Randomize
