Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
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