she looked like the bat from fern gully.
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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