okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Randomize
