I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Randomize
