When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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