You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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