i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
