there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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