Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
