I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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