ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
