you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Randomize
