You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
