I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
