I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
