You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
