but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
