OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
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