it was like fucking gandolphs beard
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
We are two peas in an std pod
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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