Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
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