you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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