Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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