saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Randomize
