can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Randomize
