genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize