Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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