Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Randomize
