You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Randomize
