so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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