I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
I think my moral compass just broke
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