i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
