If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
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