I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
