What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
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