I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Randomize
