just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Rumble strips road head = magical
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
