he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
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