i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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