Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
In other news, I just burned my penis
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
