I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Randomize
