I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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