I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Randomize
