I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
