I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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